A Proven Stress Management Framework for Leaders
Whether you're a nonprofit director, a business owner, or an executive leader, learning to manage stress through simple, structured approaches like the 4 A’s can make a measurable difference in your performance and wellbeing.

A senior executive I work with recently confided something that might sound familiar: he was under pressure from every angle. Work deadlines were piling up and the family obligations were nonstop. Despite his best efforts, he felt like he was failing on all fronts.

This is more common than most leaders care to admit.

As a people strategist with a foundation in human resources and organizational effectiveness, I’m not here to offer therapy, but I do help leaders respond more effectively when the pressure mounts. After listening to the specifics of what he was facing, I offered to walk him through a simple model that could help reframe his response to stress in a more intentional way. He agreed.

The 4 A’s of Stress Management: Simple, Practical, and Proven
I was first introduced to the 4 A’s of Stress Management years ago through the Corporate Executive Board (now part of Gartner), where it was used to support workplace wellness. I’ve since discovered that this model has broader application—it’s endorsed by the Mayo Clinic, the American Psychological Association, and other trusted organizations.

And here’s the thing: It works.

The 4 A’s--Avoid, Alter, Adapt, Accept—offer a practical, easy-to-remember framework to help you regain a sense of control in high-pressure situations. You don’t have to fix everything all at once. But you can choose how you respond.

Try It for Yourself
Think of a few situations that are currently causing you stress. Write them down. For each one, ask:

• Can I Avoid it?
• Can I Alter it?
• Can I Adapt to it?
• Can I Accept it?

Small shifts in how you approach stress can have a big impact—on your performance, your relationships, and your sense of balance.
 
Responses to Stressful Situations: The Four A’s

Change the SITUATION
Change YOUR Reaction

ALTER
Assert your feelings
Communicate your feelings openly and respectfully without placing blame. Assume positive intent and others may not know how their actions affect you.

Be willing to compromise
If you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same with yours.

Communicate conflicting responsibilities
“No” or “Not now.”

ADAPT
Adjust your expectations
Stop demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and when necessary, learn to be okay with “good enough”.

Look at the bigger picture
Will this situation matter in a month? A year? Is it worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

AVOID
Learn how to say “no”
Feel free to propose another time or another idea.

Limit time spent with people who create stress
Spend only the time you need to meet necessary obligations, and if that doesn’t work, consider ending the relationship.

Take control of your environment
If the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the TV.  If driving in traffic makes you tense, consider taking a longer but less-traveled route or changing your driving hours. If going to stores stresses you, try shopping online.

Pare down your to-do list
In your personal life distinguish between “shoulds” and “musts”. Identify what you enjoy doing and what you simply do out of obligation, guilt, or habit.

ACCEPT
Realize when a situation is out of your control
Rather than focusing on how you wish someone would have acted or what you wish had happened, focus on what you can control—your reaction.

Manage your expectations
Focus on what did happen.  What “could” and “should” have happened only reinforces disappointment and discontent.

See what you can learn from the situation
Take time to think about what you can learn from a situation to help influence your actions in the future.

Rant incoming: Stop telling people your workplace is a family.
I know, I know—it’s meant to be a warm and fuzzy phrase, a cultural shorthand for togetherness and team spirit. And for some, it may even come from a good place. But here's my very direct take: using “we’re like a family” to describe your workplace is a red flag.

I say this as someone who loves her actual family and is incredibly grateful for the colleagues and mentors who’ve become lifelong friends (and yes, even chosen family). But work? Work is work. And conflating your organization with a family dynamic can create serious issues for your culture, performance, and people strategy.

Why “We’re a Family” Misses the Mark
1. Workplaces are performance-based. Families aren’t.
You don’t get kicked out of a family for missing Q2 targets. But at work, accountability matters. Using the “family” metaphor can make tough feedback or fair consequences feel personal instead of professional.
2. Not everyone has a happy family story.
For some, family means support. For others, it means dysfunction or unresolved trauma. Why center your culture around something so variable?
3. It blurs boundaries.
When companies use “we’re family” to encourage long hours, guilt-based loyalty, or unquestioning sacrifice, it erodes employee trust. High-trust, high-performance cultures depend on clear expectations, not implied emotional contracts.

What To Say Instead
If you want to describe your culture with warmth and professionalism, try something like:
“We are a high-trust organization.”
“We collaborate with respect.”
“We support one another—personally and professionally.”
“We grow together.”
These phrases foster connection without confusing emotional closeness with workplace structure.

A Better People Strategy Starts with Language
The language you use to describe your organization sets the tone. It signals what's expected, what's tolerated, and what your values actually are.
So the next time someone tells you their company is “like a family,” take a beat. Ask what that really means. And consider whether that narrative is helping or hurting the culture you’re trying to build.

Found this valuable?
Follow Rachel on LinkedIn for more no-fluff insights on people strategy and organizational culture. Or get in touch if your organization is ready to move beyond platitudes and build a workplace that works.